Last November my wife and I sadly discovered that our baby that was due in February was without a heartbeat. We were in hell. How could our baby be dead. Why us? We were so exicited to be parents and dreamed every day about our kid and what he or she would be like. My wife delieverd our Son five days after we found out our baby was gone. I cried during her labor. I prayed during her labor. I asked why this had to happend to us. I asked God to redeme this situation. When our kid came out I exclaimed like any other proud father, “It’s a boy!”, it was bitter sweet. Well mostly bitter. I wanted to be a father so bad. I dreamed about how I would craft his hart to naturaly follow God. I wanted so bad for him to see the beautiful creation in the ways I do. I wonder if he would have been the type to get his hands dirty playing in the backyard. Would he try to bring earthworms into the house as pets? I wonder how many pet rocks he would have hiding in his bed. Would he have want my help learning how to ride a bike? I have so many dreams that will have to wait for our next child.
My body achs all the time. I still don’t sleep well though the night. Grief is such an odd thing. Today I was editing a TV promo for a Kids fair we host every year. I was using video from last years event for my spot. It hurt my soul evertime I scrubbed past video of a father with his son. I did not use any father son video for that project. Losing Elpida Matthew still hurts way to much.
